Too much

I’m gonna be honest. 

(when am I not?)
I’m in a bad mood.
I feel overwhelmed and cranky
and sad
and some people say I do it to myself. 

It’s my fault I feel this way
because I’m the one bogging myself down with so many
party planning and 
blogs and 
crafts and 
classes and 
books and 
magazines and 
TV shows and 
jobs and 
emails and 
texts and 
phone calls and 
cooking and 
organizing and 
clothes and 

but in my mind 
all of these THINGS are necessary
and all of these things are what I WANT 
(to be good, and right and perfect)
but maybe it’s all too much. 
Maybe part of it is that I WANT too much…I EXPECT too much
and maybe the other part is that I feel things are necessary
when they probably aren’t. 
I guess it’s just the perfectionist in me
But I am starting to feel it weigh me down
and take me back to a place
I don’t want to be.
A place where I must take medicine to function
as a wife, mother, friend, teacher,
member of society.
The medicine stopped the symptoms of my anxiety
but it didn’t stop the cause…
when will I learn
to find a balance
between doing what is good and healthy and meaningful
and doing what drives me over the edge?
Sometimes I can’t draw the line between
doing a lot
and doing too much. 
Wanting a lot 
and wanting too much.
Loving a lot 
and loving too much. 
Working a lot and 
working too much. 
I want to help, love, work, create, 
but sometimes it’s just too much
and I guess we all need a break…
before we break.
Be back soon 
as I contemplate
all that has gotten too complicated, too much. 

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