Thoughts Thursday: My current “fist”

I’ve been using the heck out of this strategy lately and want to share my success as some inspiration to all of my lovely readers. As you know, I struggle with general “anxiety” and let myself get easily stressed out and overwhelmed with every day things. After no luck with a lot of different anti-anxiety medicines I have been med-free since November 2010. I have good days and bad, but I really have to say that writing EVERY day, whether here, or in my journal, has made a huge difference.
I like to think the purpose of this blog has three parts…
One part sharing my beautiful family
One part sharing my love for all things beautiful, especially in fashion
And one part sharing the beautiful, healing power of writing. 
I desperately want to share that WRITING is HEALING with the rest of the world,
and I know in my heart that is one of the reasons why I was put on earth, 
one of the gifts that shall not go unused.
I began to have that special feeling back in college with Dr. Heller and Dr. Cartwright. Every time we did a special journal exercise from Writing and Being I would get this weird butterfly in my stomach, telling me that I was doing something RIGHT. I began to stop caring about what the world considered to be “good writing” and started writing for myself. I started to feel better. It freed me, and it can free you, too. Read more here on my experience with “Writing for Survival.”
I knew in my heart that I was meant to spread this message of writing and healing, which is how I ended up here, sharing these journal topics with you.
Another way to share this passion of mine will be unfolding very soon. I have re-enrolled in my classes from The Center for Journal Therapy (see the application under my journal in the above picture, so aptly placed…I promise I did not stage this picture). I am very close to being certified to lead Journal to the Self workshops. If you’re interested in participating, stay tuned for more details in the next few months. I plan on doing my first local workshop this summer, and if there is enough interest, I may plan to do an internet, web based workshop for long-distance writers.
Yesterday I was still feeling a bit clenched up inside so I sat down with my third block class during journal time and completed the “Fists into Flowers” activity again, but with a more specific focus. Here is what came of my journaling experience:
My current “fist” is
AJH’s birthday party
I want it to be special and nice
with pictures of her strung from clothesline
happily displaying each month of her life
with black lab cupcake toppers
and gingham labels
and custom invitations
and the “perfect gift”
and the most adorable cake
and a crown with a matching bib and 
even a coordinating mat
under her highchair.
(*yikes* but there are real parties that exist with all of these fabulous details)
*How do I unclench this fist?*
I realize that AJH
will be happy with us
just us
we are her “perfect gift”
she will not care about
nor remember
black lab cupcake toppers
or gingham labels
or even an adorable cake
she will smile with pure joy
from the simple pleasure
of being alive
My writing brought about these realizations:
Who am I trying to impress? 
The friends and family that will be there?
The collective internet world that will eventually see
the pictures on my blog 
and facebook page?
Or myself?
All of this came about in only ten minutes. Ahh, the power of writing. Getting REAL with this “fist” through writing helped me to unclench it and gave me a true vision of how I want AJ’s birthday party to unfold. Do I want to be stressed out, running around trying to make everything perfect? Or do I want to be able to enjoy her and the anniversary of her birth?
I think we know the answer. 
But if I hadn’t taken the ten minutes to stop and unclench the fist that had been balled up in my tummy for weeks, I’m afraid it would’ve kept going until it snowballed into a bad breakdown. The breakdown that leads to wacky blog posts and thoughts of going back on medicine. 
If I can remember 
to take it
one breath
at a time
one word
at a time
I can do it. 
And so you can you.

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